Sass in the Suburbs
Heartfelt opinions & anecdotes from the crazy girl next door

I’m definitely a pint glass half empty kind of girl, which brings me to my latest dilemma. There is a non-chain brewery opening up a hop, sip and a fist pump from my house, but apparently breweries and wineries are so money hungry they are successfully encouraging parents to sign their kids up as drinking [...]

good bye to arlington

Years before Frank Underwood and Olivia Pope took in the beautiful skyline, showcasing national monuments, years of history and proof anything can happen, an unpolished girl from the burbs rolled through wearing her “court suit” and the attitude to fake it til you make it. 10 years later I’m a grown ass woman (kind of). [...]

Taylor Swift (Screengrab)

We all know the haters are gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate; here are some of the things I just couldn’t shake off. Bill Cosby. Trust me, I don’t think Cliff Huxtable drugged and assaulted all of those women, but I’m fairly certain that Bill Cosby had something to do with it. Thanks for never [...]


I was in fourth grade the first time the word “bitch” rocked my world. Me and my fellow feathered and jean jacketed friends piled onto the big cheese and took our seats according to social status as per usual. I sat in the middle of the bus while the blue-eye shadowed-I-already-lost-my-virginity girls stormed past me [...]

Categories: Uncategorized | 1 Comment

In honor of Valentine’s Day I’d like to reminisce about some of my most pathetic ones to date. First there was the one where my boyfriend of 4 years and I had to meet at the restaurant because I wasn’t allowed to know where he lived. That’s normal right? Next classic love day was with [...]


You may have noticed that I haven’t posted in a few months; I’ve literally been working out the entire time. I have once again subjected myself to a weight loss contest. I’m no mathematician but left to my own devices (Myfitesspal, Fooducate, Couch to 5k) one of the first things that had to go was the [...]

Categories: Uncategorized | 1 Comment

The world is a vampire, a gluttonous place really. Not 10 minutes into my day I was at 7-11 innocently purchasing  a $1 coffee and a banana when the nice lady comes at me with, “You buy brownie, $1!” She then shoves it in my face and begins to ring it up. I was caught [...]

Categories: Uncategorized | 6 Comments

I was recently attending a social gathering, talking about the fact that I don’t cook or even enter the kitchen except to get beer or bean dip from the fridge, when someone piped in with, “Wow, wish I was stupid.” WHAT?! I was so taken aback I literally just sat there with my mouth hanging open; my [...]

Categories: Uncategorized | 1 Comment

One of my true loves in life has been disappointing me for months now. It is slow, huge and otherwise worthless. No, I’m not talking about the ladies at my condo association, I’m talking about my phone. I fell for this device at a young age. For me the phone = not having to talk [...]

Categories: Uncategorized | 5 Comments

My life was tad bit different than Taylor’s when I was 22. Make sure you play the real version in the background so you can keep up!  It feels like a perfect night to dress up like whore bags And stalk our exes, ah ah, ah ah. It feels like a perfect night for 40s at midnight [...]